just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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