Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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