my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
