Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize