I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
