you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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