SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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