you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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