I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
