I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
