hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
