You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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