You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
