If i come over, it means nothing
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
