my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
But theres a keg here and me gusta
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
