I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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