I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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