watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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