Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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