Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize