Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
