the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
