He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
