That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
