my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
