I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
