After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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