When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
