found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
