I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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