his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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