8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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