haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
