More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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