Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
