If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
