Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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