My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
