i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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