She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
