She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
