hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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