I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
