Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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