Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
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So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.