i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
