i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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