I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wish you could order shots online.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
