You're so nebulous sometimes
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
