You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You took a bar mat shot.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
