he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
