Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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