whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
