Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize