PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
