I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize