i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
