I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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