I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
