dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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