One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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