TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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