final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
