felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
