Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
vagina is talking i cant
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
