My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
