So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is classic penis vs brain.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
