oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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