I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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