The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Panties = found
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
