Your dad touched me again.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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