Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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