I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
