i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize