it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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