how do flat chested girls get laid?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
