I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
