did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just want nice things and good sex
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
