Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
