Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
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No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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