who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
